Got Quotes

My children - in many dimensions they're as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I've got my kids brainwashed: You don't use Google, and you don't use an iPod.

My therapist says I still haven't got in touch with my anger. Maybe one day I'm going to explode. But I'm still really happy. I know it looks like a strange and painful upbringing - all those experiences led me to the paths that I'm on now.

My mom and dad met at Anaheim High School. After they got married, all they wanted to do was have four children, and they did.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

For whatever reason, I didn't succumb to the stereotype that science wasn't for girls. I got encouragement from my parents. I never ran into a teacher or a counselor who told me that science was for boys. A lot of my friends did.

You like a woman, she's got kids, it's a package. You can't just go in one-sided.

You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music.

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

If you love large, you've got to hurt large. If you've got a lot of light, you've probably got an equal amount of darkness.

Sooner or later something seems to call us onto a particular path... this is what I must do, this is what I've got to have. This is who I am.

I'm the only president you've got.

I'm glad a genre writer has got a knighthood, but stunned that it was me.

When you decide to get involved in a military operation in a place like Syria, you've got to be prepared, as we learned from Iraq and Afghanistan, to become the government, and I'm not sure any country, either the United States or I don't hear of anyone else, who's willing to take on that responsibility.

Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot.

I sort of became infatuated with soldiers. I got to know some of them and got a little perturbed with Hollywood making a spectacle out of them and making them look like they have screwed up somehow.

Mom was 50 when my Dad died. She got on a bus every weekday for years, and rode 40 miles each morning to Madison. She earned a new degree and learned new skills to start her small business. It wasn't just a new livelihood. It was a new life.

I've gone through back surgery a couple times, and of course, my radiation treatments for six weeks got me to the point where I was not able to play at the level that I was accustomed to.

A person who can't pay gets another person who can't pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don't make either of them able to do a walking-match.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

What the hell kind of man decides to dress up as a bat and run around the city? There's got to be something a little bit loose in there.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

I've always been spontaneous and outgoing... I've tried lots of things so I've got some good life experiences, which is great 'cause it means I've got lots of material to work with as an actor.

We agreed to do it when I was drunk at his house one night, then on the day I had to have four large brandies - they didn't touch the sides at all. People just got on with it though. It didn't gather a crowd!

Fairytales have always got to have that scary quality, as long as you make them laugh.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

I've got nothing left to lose at this point. The work I've done is out there.

The idea really came to me the day I got my new false teeth.

I've got a long list of books I wish I'd never written-and I've kept them all out of print for the past 20 years.

I've still got a twinkle in me.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.