Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

I know God is real.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?