Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.