Quotes By Robin Williams

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

In America they really do mythologise people when they die.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.

I love kids, but they are a tough audience.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?