Joke Quotes

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.

At one point, they offered me this part to play a drug-dealing, gun-selling butch lady. I don't know how to describe her but she had like a crew cut and stuff. I was like, 'Is this a joke?' And they said, 'No, we think it would be great because everyone would be like, 'Oh, look at what we've done to Charlotte.' I was like, 'Well I can't do that!'

The only people who live in a post-black world are four people who live in a little white house on Pennsylvania Avenue. The idea that America is post-racial or post-black because a man I admire, Barack Obama, is president of the United States, is a joke. And I hope no one will even wonder about this crazy fiction again.

My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies.

Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks, bonds, warrants, etc., issued don't affect the aggregate value of the firm.

The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

In almost every interview someone asks what does HIM stand for. I can't even remember our latest lie about that. When Hanson was hot, we said it means Hanson Is Murder. The name doesn't have a particular history. His Infernal Majesty was a totally different band. I think HIM derives from some death metal joke.

These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why it is so expensive, or one of the reasons, it's so expensive to run here and why so many people decide not to run.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.'

People are learning to feel more comfortable hearing one another's dreams. It used to be that if you told a dream in public, someone had to make a joke to relieve the tension introduced by that alternative reality.

All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That's kind of sad. If David was doing better than he used to be, then that would be different. But it was a joke and he made it that way.

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

A joke is a very serious thing.

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.

In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there.

I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners.

The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain.

Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.

My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something valuable. There's a lot of that in Silicon Valley.

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

The English had hit upon a splendid joke. They intended to catch me or to bring me down.

Once you start thinking about it in a mercenary frame of mind, then you're finished. You're a joke, because there are too many mercenaries out there already.

It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?