Joke Quotes

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

U.S. soldiers, with whom I now have more than a passing acquaintance, joke that they track my movements in order to know where they will be deployed next.

It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.

A caricature is putting the face of a joke on the body of a truth.

Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

I like to joke that if I had a dollar for everybody who slapped me on the back and said, 'Hey Jeb, you're all set,' I'd be retired now.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dirty joke and leaving out the punch line.

You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out.

If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

Slavery is nothing to joke about. The history of this nation's involvement with slavery is nothing to pass off in a joke.

Chevy Chase and Bill Murray - we thought those guys were funny. We love Bill Murray, but we didn't think they were right for Airplane! because it would step on the joke if there was a known comedian.

Tool of Communist agitators... it's really a joke, isn't it? Because, quite clearly, we are a party of real moderates. It just shows how little they understand.

Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That's their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood.

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.

Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

We all have, in my family, what we call the 'Vorderman bottom' - a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It's been a family joke all our lives - even my lovely brother has one. I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs.

I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was a long time ago. Artists aren't always seen as real people. If you start out as a teenager, sometimes people want to keep you locked as that. But I'm a woman now.

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.