Joke Quotes

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has become a very serious science.

I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.

I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.

I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.

You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else.

I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.

Cigarettes are an instant signifier in culture. It punctuates a joke, or puts that extra zing on a punch line. I like them as a prop. I think it can be really useful for character and texture and contrast and all of that.

Back in the day, if someone said that hip hop and rap was a fad, that was a joke to me because they just didn't know what they were talking about. In reality, there were so many people who didn't know what they were talking about it.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke.

I've been writing joke songs since I was a kid and it served me well at S.N.L. I can write those in my sleep. In fact, I have.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.

The nature of comedy is 'just do it.' But I think what's interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it's just saying what's wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I start with the joke line and write backward.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

I used to do this big rant at the end of some gigs with Ben Folds Five. The band broke into this big heavy metal thing and I started as a joke to scream in a heavy metal falsetto. I found myself saying things like: Feel my pain, I am white, feel my pain.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

Scandinavian-Danish cuisine was something quite rustic, mostly known for pastries and smorgasbord cuisine, which in itself has become a joke.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.

I live on a ranch in Texas and do my own thing. And I don't care what anyone has to say about it. My joke is that the only people I'm trying to please are myself and my fans, because they're the ones buying my records. And I have the best, most loyal fan base ever.