Toilet Quotes

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

I walk into rooms and I don't know why I'm there. I'm like, 'Why am I standing in front of the toilet now?'

I'm a little thirsty, can I go drink out of your toilet?

Well, I don't use the toilet much to pee in. I almost always pee in the yard or the garden, because I like to pee on my estate.

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture.

In the period where I had to live the life of a citizen - a life where, like everybody else, I did tons of laundry and cleaned toilet bowls, changed hundreds of diapers and nursed children - I learned a lot.

In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.