Quotes By W. C. Fields

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

I drink therefore I am.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.