Quotes By W. C. Fields

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I drink therefore I am.

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.