Quotes By Larry David

I have reservations about everything I do.

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

I believe in something.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

You know, I'm really not that bright.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.