Quotes By Larry David

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.

If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.

Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

I don't like people cleaning my room.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I can't stand reading anything that I've said.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

You write about what you know.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

Drugs scared me.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!

I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.