Quotes By Larry David

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

I'm cranky.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.

I don't have many friends.

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

I don't like to make a big splash anyway.

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

I have no secrets.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

I have reservations about everything I do.