Quotes By Larry David

Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I can't stand reading anything that I've said.

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

You write about what you know.

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

Drugs scared me.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!

I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

I'm cranky.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!