Quotes By Scott Adams

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

My investments have been hurt.

I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

The longer you work here, diverse it gets.

I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.

There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.

The best things in life are silly.

Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.

I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.

Home is pretty utopian.