Quotes By Scott Adams

The only risk of failure is promotion.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.

I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.

It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there's something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer.

My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.

I get mail; therefore I am.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.

I'm primarily just an investor.

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

I try to avoid giving advice.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.