Quotes By Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.