Quotes By Lily Tomlin

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

The road to success is always under construction.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat.

We're all in this alone.

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I guess that's one of the reasons that you do it - work all the time - because it's sort of a high to find something that really works.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.