Quotes By Lily Tomlin

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

We're all in this alone.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.

I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types.

But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

The road to success is always under construction.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.

What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.