Quotes By Kinky Friedman

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

I'll sign anything except bad legislation.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.