Quotes By Kinky Friedman

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Young people are the key to this election.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

We were a country band with a social conscience.

We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.