Quotes By Kinky Friedman

We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.

If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.

You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.

Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.

The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

I see an issue I like, and I support it.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.

We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.

We were a country band with a social conscience.

I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.