Quotes By Jerry Seinfeld

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself.

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.

Men want to make women happy.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it.

I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything.

Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat.

The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun.