Quotes By David Sedaris

I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.

I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.

I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.

I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?

I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.

Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.

I sometimes read books on my iPad.

Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

I don't have email.

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.'