Quotes By Dane Cook

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.