Quotes By Dane Cook

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

I get so into the moment.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

I'm a late-night guy.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.