Quotes By Robert Orben

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.