Quotes By Ogden Nash

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Too clever is dumb.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.