Quotes By Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

Television is the triumph of machine over people.