Quotes By Fran Lebowitz

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Nothing succeeds like address.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.