Quotes By Colin Quinn

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

My name has zero value.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

If I had to give up everything else and keep just one aspect of the job, I'd have to keep writing because I love it. Yes, I enjoy performing, too. But I couldn't give up writing material.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.