Quotes By Andy Rooney

We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

A writer's job is to tell the truth.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.

The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.