Quotes By Robert Benchley

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.