Quotes By P. J. O..Rourke

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

I'm old enough to remember when the air over American cities was a lot dirtier than it is now.

A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

I realised the bohemian life was not for me. I would look around at my friends, living like starving artists, and wonder, 'Where's the art?' They weren't doing anything. And there was so much interesting stuff to do, so much fun to be had... maybe I could even quit renting.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient.

One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.

I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

I'm a political conservative.

There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more.

Never fight an inanimate object.

I'm a rather decisive type.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you.

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke.