Quotes By Mark Twain

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.