Quotes By John Cleese

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

England is a fairly envious little country and it's embodied in the press. They don't like anyone being more distinguished than they are.

But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with.

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

God was treated like this powerful, erratic, rather punitive father who has to be pacified and praised. You know, flattered.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.

When the target audience is American teenage kids, you can have problems. My generation prized really fine acting and writing. Sometimes you have to go back to the basic principles which underpin great visual comedy.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

Filming takes a lot out of you. It really does. It's immensely demanding, and you have to put the rest of your life in the icebox until you do your final shot.

I would say that I began with a very edgy, very driven personality and after a sufficient amount of therapy over many, many years, I managed to become rather relaxed and happy.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?

I just think that sometimes we hang onto people or relationships long after they've ceased to be of any use to either of you. I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?'