Quotes By Jay Leno

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh... it's as simple as that.

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.