Quotes By Don Rickles

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

It takes many years to be a great comedian.

The old days were the old days. And they were great days. But now is now.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

I told jokes badly.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

My whole act is off the top of my head.

Struggling is hard because you never know what's at the end of the tunnel.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.

In our day we went from - we went into saloons. We couldn't cross over like you can today, get a television series and all of a sudden you're a major movie star, you know.

I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Funny is funny.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

I never went out looking for glory.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.