Quotes By Alexei Sayle

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.

It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political.

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.

Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you.

For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about.

But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder.

If someone starts agreeing with me, I don't like it. Out of pique, I become something else.

I liked 35 and in both my novels that is the age of the lead characters. I tried making them my age but they just seemed to keep moaning about stuff.

However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I have very vivid recollections of loads of things that I haven't done.

I'm an intellectual.

People aren't universally heroic.

I always thought communism was crap, really.

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.

I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.

It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.

I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift.

I am quite girly.

Recently, my personal advisors have been telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it?

You can't do comedy with a beard.